Category Archives: Random

Pacing myself

It seems that so much of life involves schedules and commitments. When we’re at work, during our designated work hours, we frequently have to respond to the demands of others, doing what “they” want, when “they” want it. In my chosen profession(s) I have to be responsive to other people’s needs and, when it’s work time, I don’t take issue with it at all. But, when I’m on vacation, that’s just not happening.

I’m a morning person. It isn’t unusual for me to wake up with the birds and I love the sense of feeling in tune with the earth. Since I need something in my tummy before I can drink coffee, breakfast is a mandatory meal for me. Beyond that, though, I’m winging it. I don’t want to feel pressured to have a meal just because it’s lunch time or dinner time. I want to eat when I’m hungry or to line my stomach before enjoying a cocktail or three. It’s vacation. Unless I have reservations for somewhere, I’m all about eating simply when I feel like it.

Not surprisingly for a librarian, I’m super organized. I prefer to stay on top of things in terms of tidying up, laundry and keeping our stuff under control. I hate the feeling of haphazard inefficiency. Seriously, it makes me more than a little insane. To avoid this, I try to combine errands and minimize the number of times I have to get in and out of my car. Particularly when we’re staying on an island that is inaccessible by car when the tide is in.

I’m realizing that I might be challenging to be around on vacation since I feel about vacation as I do about running: it’s my time to completely set my own pace. Beyond the rhythm of the tides, I won’t be pressured to abide by anyone else’s schedule or demands. It’s my vacation and I want to go with my own flow. Don’t you?

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Filed under Cape Cod, musings, Random, running, Summer, vacation

Don’t worry. Worry is useless. John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Where are you at when it comes to worry?  Are you inclined to focus your energy imagining all of the perils lying in wait around the corner?  Do you spend hours (years?) second guessing every decision you’ve ever made in life wondering “If only I had…?”

If your tendency to worry paralyzes you in a way that prevents you from putting your car in gear and driving forward, are you content to live your life stuck in neutral?

I have worries, believe me.  I am uncomfortable when my children are passengers in anyone’s car during long and (too) fast rides.  After two rounds of relatively “good” cancer, I am inclined to being a bit paranoid about not being so lucky if that crabby* bastard decides to lap back around for a third visit.  Being a homeowner makes me incredibly nervous at times because there are far too many things of which to keep track. I wonder, occasionally, if I will ever be in a healthy and satisfying romantic relationship again.  See?  I, too, worry.

But, what can I do about any of it?  Do I give away today with worry about tomorrow? How can I if I don’t have control of any of those things? All I can do is reiterate the importance of driving with caution and stress to the boys how imperative it is to take driving seriously.  I try to keep myself strong with exercise and nutrition in case of further challenges to my health.  I’m learning to ask for help when it comes to maintaining my house and my car.  I’m actively working on things to enable me to keep moving forward in a positive fashion.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that life can change in an instant.  When that time comes again, I’d like to believe that I’ll be ready to face any and all challenges thrown my way. What I’m not going to do is this: lose myself speculating and projecting about both all the mistakes I’ve made in life and all the possible ramifications of my future decisions.  Today, this very day, is far too precious to cast it aside for the events of yesterday or the imagined perils of tomorrow.  Go get it.

*In German cancer is called “krebs,” you know, like crab.  Seems an appropriate word to me.

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Filed under aging, musings, Random

Randoms…

  • Lincoln pick up trucks don’t make sense to me.
  • My 9 y/o son has underarm body order. I’m concerned.
  • I wish TU readers understood what a print journalist is – and is not. It’s not about popularity, it’s about writing.
  • Pulling through the front “driveway” at ASH on Whitehall to avoid the red light, is one of the most outrageous examples of douchebaggery that I have ever witnessed. A close second is cutting through to Whitehall from Mapleridge by driving around the barricade and over a lawn. Really.
  • Sometimes the school year feels long, but the last two weeks of the academic year are always the fastest.
  • I buy a lot of cereal in my house yet Cheerios and Kellogg’s Corn Flakes remain my favorites.
  • Even though I have been lucky enough to visit the Cape every summer for the last 16 years, I always get excited by the thought of being there. Beachcomber here we come!
  • Speaking of summer, as I receive my last real paycheck until September, I’ll say a prayer for no major emergencies in the next couple of months.  Feel free to join in.
  • Evening runs in June are bliss.  The lengthy twilight makes everything better.
  • I am tired of cooking the same rotation of meals for my children and wish they would eat more vegetables and grains instead of expecting meat at every evening meal.
  • There isn’t a single SPAC concert on my radar this summer.
  • It would be a better world if the ratio of positive to negative blog (and elsewhere) comments was more in the 5 to 1 range. I’m so tired of reading people’s anonymous complaints.

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Filed under Random, Schools, SPAC, Summer

Hustle and Jive – or dancing for $$

Last week, as I emailed Matt Baumgartner an excel spreadsheet with my availability to work his World Cup Block Party, I thought to myself, “Silvia, you really hustle to pay your bills and afford to travel.” There’s the full-time school job, the night or two a week at the Wine Bar & Bistro on Lark, shooting photographs for the TU and their Seen galleries, consigning my clothing and the occasional chaperoning gig. My calendar is definitely pretty full, but I’m not complaining. My car is paid for and I’ve got no debt other than my mortgage which has less than 9 years left to go. I’m doing okay.

Talking about money is awkward. Unless you’re my brother or one of my closest friends, you’ll never hear me complain about being broke. I wish other people had the same impulse about finances and privacy because I really don’t know how to respond when someone says, “Oh, we can’t take a vacation because we can’t afford it.” Um…sorry? Am I supposed to feel guilty because I do have a trip or two planned?

We all have priorities.  We each make decisions about how to make and spend our money.  For me, being able to travel is paramount and I will pick up odd jobs to be able to afford 2 weeks at the beach, occasional weekends out-of-town and an annual “Mom and Me” trip with one of the guys.  It is important to me and I think of it as an educational investment.  Other people may choose to only work part-time in favor of remaining home with small children or perhaps give up a regular income to pursue artistic endeavors.  Whatever works, not my business or concern.

I respect an individual’s personal (and family’s) decision, but I refuse to be made to feel guilty because some folks may not have the funds to spend a couple of weeks frolicking in the ocean.  I work hard to make that happen.  It’s not my problem and I don’t appreciate anyone trying to bring me down because of their own life choices.  I’ll just keep paying my own way and dancing to my own tune.  It would be nice if others would do the same.

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Filed under Random, Rant

Up a tree

image: John Carl D’Annibale/Albany Times Union

I’m sure you’ve heard the saga of the Albany Bear.  A young black bear, with a history of repeatedly wandering into populated areas, was a deemed a “nuisance” and euthanized yesterday.  The last 24 hours of the bear’s life included being struck by a car, shot with both a shotgun and a tranquilizer gun and falling approximately 60 feet from the tree in which he had sought refuge.   It makes me so sad.

Have you ever seen a bear outside of a zoo?  I’ve been lucky enough to see one twice, both times from the safety of the car in which I was driving.  The first time, in a rural area of Massachusetts, the dog in our vehicle sensed the bear’s presence before we did.  When I saw the bear loping along, my heart lifted.  I had always hoped to see a bear and the glimpse I had of this one affirmed my belief in nature and all the wonders which she often holds secret.  I was elated.

A couple of years later, in a more densely populated area in Orange County, N.Y., I noticed a dog on the right side of the road barking furiously at something on the opposite side of the road.  The dog was maintaining a respectful distance, rather than approaching whatever it was that had attracted its attention.  I looked to my left and immediately saw it – a black bear lumbering through the underbrush, more than likely heading towards the nearby orchard.  Hours before this occurred, I had returned to the States after some time spent in Europe, a place I always feel is devoid of wildlife.  Seeing this bear was one of the best “welcome home” experiences I’ve ever had.  I was thrilled.

I understand the perceived threat of a wild animal in a residential neighborhood and the need for authorities to address the situation, I really do.  My struggle with what happened yesterday (just blocks from my home) stems from my sense that that bear wasn’t dealt with respectfully.  His tagged ears indicated he had prior experiences in local communities, but I can’t help but wonder how much effort was put into relocating him to a new home at a substantial distance.  We like to brag in New York State about our 6+ million acres of “Forever Wild” land in the Adirondack Park.  Couldn’t that bear been taken farther away from settled areas during one of his previous visits?

Was this really necessary?     image: http://alloveralbany.com

Why wasn’t there a more humane plan in place after 24 hours of officials monitoring the situation?  Was it really necessary for the bear to fall 60 feet to the ground?  How do we prevent another tragedy like this in the future? The bear may be the one to have fallen from the tree, but the authorities are really the ones who dropped the ball here.

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Filed under Albany, Local, News, Observations, Random, upstate New York

Hello, Wall!

After working for 16 of the last 18 days, I finally hit the wall today.  Maybe you heard the sound of me crashing around 4:30 Sunday afternoon when I returned home from the Hong Kong Bakery, my belly full of terrific Chinese food.  My initial thought had been to grab Jeter and head down to the dog park for a little bit of play time.  But, I started thinking about our last visit’s mud situation down there and my utter lack of interest, (or energy, it turns out), in giving both the puppy and the bathroom a thorough cleaning two days in a row, and decided that a nap for myself was more necessary than a play date for Jeter.  Sorry, puppy.

I climbed into bed with a book and was asleep in less than 10 minutes, a state I stayed in for nearly 2 hours.  Long naps are not typically my thing.  In fact, I boast of my ability to benefit from a mere 5 minute nap.  Sunday, though was different.  Both my body and my brain needed required demanded some down time.  I was tired.

If you know me, you’re aware that I like to pace myself.  All of the activity and events of the last few weeks, though, got away from me a bit and sleep was the only area that had “spare” time built-in.  I think I’ve averaged 5 hours or so of that precious state lately, no more than 4 of those hours  being consecutive and uninterrupted.  Work and boys and Jeter have conspired to challenge, and ultimately upset, my best intentions to balance living with rest.

I am so grateful that I’ve learned to recognize and respect my body’s need to regroup.  Saturday night, after waiting on what seemed to be the entire Western Hemisphere,* I fell asleep with the alarm set for 7:00 a.m. and a firm intention to both run and photograph a race in Saratoga.  That didn’t happen.  Even though I initially put my running clothes on, I just didn’t feel like busting my ass to do both tasks and I elected to go with the job that paid.  It was a good choice.

So, what do you do when you hit the proverbial wall?  If you’re anything like me, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and sign the wall with a big ole Silvia was here.  And you just keep going.

*a bit of hyperbole, but there was a large table of Canadians as well as an even bigger table of folks from various countries in South America via NYC.

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Filed under musings, Random, running, Saratoga, SEEN

Who are you?

In the last 10 years, I’ve been referred to by each of the following names: Boy Mom, Wine Wench, Lipstick Librarian, Runner Girl, Seen Shooter, DelSo Blogger, Yoga Momma, Snow Bunny, Bookworm and recently, Dairy Queen. I imagine there were a few other things I’ve been called, but I’m talking about what people have said to my face.

Each of those monikers accurately describes a facet of me, a part of me that takes a turn shining its light in the world. How about you? How many different prisms do you possess and allow to shine? Are you actively exploring and exercising the various sides of yourself? Or, do you concentrate your energy and attention on more fully developing fewer characteristics?

Maybe I’m lacking in focus. Perhaps I have a little of the ADD. I’m not really certain why, but I’ve come to accept that I feel more comfortable defusing my attention and energy. I can’t imagine only having one job or a single activity or interest to occupy myself. I’m sure I’d be bored out of mind.

I like that I possess different circles of friends who participate in the various spheres of my life, overlapping at times, yet more than content to be a part of a part of me. There’s plenty of me to go around.

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Filed under musings, Random