Tag Archives: intact family

I’ve got a badge – and a glass of wine.

Another perfect little find from Elissa Halloran's little shop on Lark Street.

Another perfect little find from Elissa Halloran’s little shop on Lark Street.

Well, guess who gets to be the bad cop?  Yes, yes, I know, if the shoe fits, blah blah blah.  Whatever.  Give me a second, please, while I take another swig swallow sip of wine, ok?  Exhale.  Sigh.

You know how kids like to play their parents, especially in divorce situations?  Yes, you do, you must have seen it before. Child, typically a teen, decides that the demise of their parents’ marriage provides them with the perfect opportunity to slack off?  Well, it is a crap situation that requires parental attention and communication…something which isn’t always easily managed as a former couple transitions to a new normal of shared parenting done in an isolated, yet equally invested fashion.   Maybe it’s a natural impulse for a child who wants to ensure that his recently apart parents maintain an open dialogue.  Perhaps it is a symptom of adolescence.  I don’t know for certain, but I do know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is exhausting and demoralizing.  Ugh.

Most of us are familiar with that cliched police interrogation technique – the whole good cop/bad cop thing, right?  Well, guess which officer I get to be?  I’ve always been the calendar keeper, the planner, the appointment maker, the initiator, shall we say.  I have a knack for making, and keeping, a schedule and taking care of things.  Naturally, it has fallen to me to be the one who checks in on the boys’ grades and initiates contact, when necessary, with their teachers.  And the reward for my attentions from my child who is treading seriously close to the line between living up to his potential and being a rebel without a cause?  Well, let’s just say it  is sort of the opposite of gratitude.

It would be so much easier to be hands off.  I would prefer to devote my attention to celebrating the wonderful talents and capabilities of my children, but it seems that a different type of focus is being demanded at this time.  Well, if I have to be the one who enforces the law in these parts, I’ll do it, with or without the assistance of a deputy.  Don’t you doubt it.

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Filed under Boys, family, Lark Street, moms, musings

What’s wrong with oysters?

Martha’s Vineyard is kind of a minefield for me.  I did some day trips here over the years.  Always with the former husband, always pleasant and memorable.  I’ll forever smile when I think about the two bigger boys in their dueling Yankees/Red Sox hats being playfully interrogated about their allegiances by the ferry guy.  He ultimately understood their loyalties had been influenced by their parents’ places of birth, defusing a rivalry that long predates either boys’ arrival.

There are definitely some ghosts here.  I went for a much-needed run this evening.  It was challenging.  I got a little lost as streets, appropriately enough, dead ended unexpectedly.  I ran past the cute little cottage which my ex and I had rented for a long weekend to celebrate our last, in my mind, sincere wedding anniversary.  I saw that it was for sale and felt a twinge of sadness about the way things change, how life, and the Vineyard, constantly twists and turns and the hills roll up and down.

Pandora threw an old Counting Crows song at me during that run, one of my favorites, “Long December.” The line that resonated was about how there were  “a lot of oysters, but no pearls.”  I immediately thought – “So?  What’s so bad about oysters?”  I mean, really, once they’re coaxed out of their hard shells there’s very little that can ruin them. Eat ‘em au natural, dredge them in corn meal, fry them, whatever your fancy.  They’re going to be good.

Martha’s Vineyard may have begun for me as a day trip spot with my still intact family, but it has become a place that my boys and I have experienced together.  We’ve explored beaches and towns and witnessed sunsets.  There have been days spent with friends playing in the waves and evening dance parties and epic Monopoly games.  Pearls may be nice, but oysters are just fine.


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