Category Archives: aging

50 ways to leave your 40s

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  1. Run a half marathon.
  2. Check out the sales at Macy’s.
  3. Buy nothing. You really don’t need a thing.
  4. Have dinner out.
  5. Get a pedicure.
  6. Go to bed early.
  7. Eat a delicious salad.
  8. Take a run.
  9. Have a beer.
  10. And a shot.
  11. Laze in bed an extra 20 minutes.
  12. Feed the birds.
  13. Put on a pretty white linen dress (because it’s still summer, at least for today).
  14. Read birthday messages on Facebook.
  15. Smile.
  16. Try not to listen to the news of the latest unarmed black man being killed by the police.
  17. Charge the battery for your 35mm camera. You’ll need it.
  18. Have a hot flash.
  19. Ask your flag waving children to fly the Irish flag just for today in your honor.
  20. Arrange to have a carrot cake baked by the same friend who made your wedding cake.
  21. Order 15 pizzas from DeFazio’s.
  22. Open the sunroof on your car on the way to work.
  23. Turn up the radio.
  24. Treat yourself to a blow out – that’s blow out, guys.
  25. Imagine that Elizabeth Warren was running for President.
  26. Have a hot flash.
  27. Eat tasty treats from your coworkers.
  28. Read birthday messages on Facebook again.
  29. Take phone calls from both the friend who has been there for 35 years and the one you hope sticks around for the next 35.
  30. Accept happy birthday greetings from dozens of middle school students after your birthday is announced over the school PA system.
  31. Wear the beautiful necklace you had made for yourself.
  32. Remove the modesty-lending shirt over your pretty dress because of another hot flash.
  33. Book Talk challenged books to 8th grade students and watch them become agitated about censorship.
  34. Glance out the window at the cloudless, blue skies.
  35. Hope, just this once, that time moves just a little faster for the next 60 minutes only.
  36. Pound water in anticipation of the evening’s libations.
  37. Crave a coffee.
  38. Figure out a way to swing by Starbucks between school and a salon appointment.
  39. Get excited thinking about having so many loved ones in one spot.
  40. Wish Jeter could come, too.
  41. Smile.
  42. Get home in time to freshen up and gather loved ones together.
  43. Take a walk with your brother.
  44. Mingle and mix with folks from all corners of your life.
  45. Beam with pride watching your children do the same.
  46. Toast repeatedly with gifted Prosecco.
  47. Worry when the pizza is late.
  48. Remind yourself that it isn’t your fault.
  49. Relax.
  50. Sigh with happiness. Best birthday ever.

 

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Filed under aging, birthdays, Events, family, friends, Lark Street, love, Wine

My life’s soundtrack – my top 50 at 50

Music is an amazing thing – it soothes, excites, inspires, comforts, stimulates and impresses me more than any other art form.  There are songs that take me back to specific moments in my life like no other time machine I’ve ever known and guitar solos that still make me shake my head with wonder. Below I’ve shared 50 of my favorites that will always be on my personal playlist, be it for the tune, the time they recapture or the story the words tell. Each and every one of these songs means something to me and made it onto this list after more thought and consideration than I ‘d like to admit. How about you? What’s your life soundtrack sound like?

1. Is That All There Is? – Peggy Lee
2. Ain’t But One Way Out – Allman Brothers
3. Ain’t Wasting Time No More – Allman Brothers
4. Second Hand News – Fleetwood Mac
5. Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac
6. The Chain – Fleetwood Mac
7. You Make Loving Fun – Fleetwood Mac
8. Oh Daddy – Fleetwood Mac
9. Gold Dust Woman – Fleetwood Mac
10. Where the Streets Have No Name – U2
11. I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2
12. With or Without You – U2
13. Running to Stand Still – U2
14. In God’s Country – U2
15. Save Me – Aimee Mann
16. Let’s Stay Together – Al Green
17. Inner City Blues – Marvin Gaye
18. Trouble Man – Marvin Gaye
19. Hold On – Alabama Shakes
20. Son of a Preacher Man – Dusty Springfield
21. Voodoo Child – Jimi Hendrix
22. If 6 Was 9 – Jimi Hendrix
23. A Sunday Kind of Love – Etta James
24. At Last – Etta James
25. I’m on Fire – Bruce Springsteen
26. American Girl – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
27. Steady as She Goes – The Raconteurs
28. Lover, You Should’ve Come Over – Jeff Buckley
29. Just a Little Lovin’ – Shelby Lynne
30. Edge of Seventeen – Stevie Nicks
31. Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked – Cage the Elephant
32. Can’t Find My Way Home – Blind Faith
33. Breakdown – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
34. Lover Lay Down – DMB
35. So Much to Say – DMB
36. Gravity – John Mayer
37. What’d I say, Pt 1 & 2 – Ray Charles
38. The Way We Were – Barbra Streisand
39. Girl on Fire – Alicia Keyes
40. Young Americans – David Bowie
41. Justify My Love – Madonna
42. A Moment Changes Everything – David Gray
43. Thing of Beauty – Hothouse Flowers
44. Nobody’s Fault But Mine – Led Zeppelin
45. Changed the Locks – Lucinda Williams
46. I Will Wait – Mumford & Sons
47. Heart of Gold – Neil Young
48. Just Breathe – Pearl Jam
49. Let’s Go Crazy – Prince
50. Waiting on a Friend – Rolling Stones

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Filed under aging, birthdays, favorites, Music

Birthday – present, early and late

imageI sent out some invitations to a party I’m throwing to celebrate my 50th. The guest list was challenging – there are so many people I want to raise a glass with, but space is limited and I want to relax and enjoy the event rather than feel pressured to entertain. I ultimately decided to not give in to the reflex of obligatory invitations and instead only invited people who bring joy. I’m lucky enough to have many such friends in my life. Speaking of bringing, I didn’t specify “no gifts,” as I’ve seen on some recent invites I’ve received. I like presents, but hope no one feels that gifts are necessary.

imageSpeaking of presents, I bought something for myself. I’ve had an idea for a piece of jewelry for many years but hadn’t been able to squirrel away the funds to bring my vision to fruition. Not going away for our usual two weeks this summer, resulted in a surplus in summer funds and thanks to Elissa Halloran (for the referral) and Siobhan Byron (for the artistic skill), I now have a fantastic piece of jewelry created from a few pieces which had been occupying space in my dresser rather than on my body. Behold my new necklace forged from a single diamond stud (remember, I lost the other one? Twice.), a pendant that had once hung from a gold herringbone necklace and a pair of vintage earrings. Isn’t it stunning?! Go see Siobhan at Nahbois  in Troy and get yourself something. You deserve it.

Unlike the remarkable beauty of a special piece of jewelry, sometimes stunning has negative connotations. It seems that our world is filled with surprising and devastating tragedies, such as the recent earthquake in Italy. While I had originally intended to feature three of my personal favorite not for profit organizations as potential recipients for September’s Cocktail of the Month at Lark + Lily, I’ve decided instead to focus exclusively on Amatrice. We’ll be offering a classic negroni  cocktail, as well as an Amatriciana pasta special, with a portion of the proceeds earmarked for earthquake relief. I’ll continue my birthday celebration through October when we’ll return to our usual format of three organizations from which to choose. We all do what we can and I hope you’re able to help support causes which are meaningful to you. Stop in and help us to help those in need.

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Filed under aging, birthdays, drinking, ideas, Italy, Local, Recommendations, Restaurants, Troy

Fifty

imageI haven’t been so excited about a birthday since my 30th, which was just shy of 20 years ago. Then, I was a newlywed, in love and pregnant with my oldest son. I had my first “real” job as a school librarian and we celebrated with a dinner party at a wonderful restaurant with friends and family. Those memories make me smile. Life was good.

This one, though, is different. I mean I think it is.

I’m no longer married, so that’s an obvious and major change. As I plan a celebration for my upcoming milestone, I can’t help but recall that the task for organizing my last decade birthday party was also my responsibility. Not everything changes. My birthing days are behind me and the void has been filled by hot flashes and skinny jeans without front panels made from elastic. In a couple of weeks, I’ll begin my 21st year as a librarian and I am starting to imagine what might come next professionally. It’s exciting. Life is good.

I don’t feel like I imagined 50 would be. The number isn’t scary to me or overwhelming or sad. In fact, it feels like a wonderful new decade filled with opportunity and a sense of capability that can only come from years of surviving and thriving. It’s beckoning and I can’t wait.

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Filed under aging, birthdays, Events, friends, musings, Uncategorized

Growing up in black and white

imageThere’s been a lot of talk about race in our country and its got me thinking about the my own perspective on the relationships between blacks and whites. I was fortunate to have been raised by a woman who did not discriminate between races. My earliest school friendships were with a black girl and a Jewish girl – a real feat in a small town which was almost exclusively Christian and white. Sometimes I miss the simplicity of childhood.

When I was about 12, we moved to a house a couple of miles out of town in a neighborhood I had heard referred to as The Colony. That wasn’t said in a complimentary way. You see, this particular area was populated primarily by black families, including that of my elementary school friend. The house we lived in was only two miles out of town, but it felt pretty far removed. We had the telephone exchange of Warwick, the school district of Greenwood Lake and the zip code of Monroe, perfectly summing up the lack of interest in a single community to “own” this long road. It felt very much like a no man’s land.

In the spring of eighth grade, a number of us tried out for the freshman cheerleading squad in what would be our new high school. I was the only one who was selected and, even then, I felt that it was because I was white. Vicki and Brenda were both better than me and deserved it more. I ended up quitting the squad before football season even started.

A year or so later something happened that changed my comfort level with people of color. My brother had some sort of altercation with Vicki’s brother, I don’t know what it was about, and he got punched in the face as he boarded the school bus one morning. I remember being shocked by the violence and afraid of what might happen next, especially after listening to other students who had witnessed the fight. Their language was new to me and the prejudice they demonstrated was unlike anything I had ever heard, but it gave me a cloak to wrap myself in for protection. I didn’t spend time with Vicki anymore.

In the many years since then, I’ve had very few black friends. I’ve puzzled over this lack of diversity in my life as I’ve celebrated the friendships my own children share with kids from every imaginable ethnic and religious background. The single block in the DelSo where I’ve lived for 20 years is populated by Indians, Blacks, Jews and Whites and I think of them all as neighbors.

Last week, I went back to Greenwood Lake to spend an afternoon with friends. In the early afternoon, I took a run past the haunted houses of my youth accompanied by more memories than I could ever share. My feet took me along the roads I had walked countless times, most frequently to get away from home, but now instead in an attempt to take me back to where I came from. It was a very emotional run, especially once I saw the two “new” (to me) state historic markers declaring the significance of Nelson Road.image

Reading about the history of The Colony caused me for the first time ever to feel a sense of pride about where I spent some pretty influential years of my life. I was reminded of the cultural contributions of Black Americans and wished that those markers had been installed years ago. I hope Vicki has been back to see them.

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Filed under aging, girlhood, musings, Observations, road trips, running, Summer

49 and hotter than ever!

If by “hot” you mean experiencing hot flashes, that is. Holy perimenopause!

Male readers, be warned. This may not be the blog post for you. Unless, of course, you’re trying to develop your understanding and empathy for the universe’s women. In which case, read on.

The move to what I’m considering my third stage of life, is starting to amp up a bit. The night sweats are more frequent and now even appear during waking hours. The lines on my face are a bit more assertive and the flesh under my biceps seems a bit softer. My cycle is no longer a cycle as much as it is a random moment in time. Things are changing and I’m trying to pay attention without obsessing. Wish me luck with that, ok?

When I attempt to look back on when I transitioned from biological girl to woman, very few memories remain. I remember becoming aware of my need for deodorant and being relieved to find Tickle roll on atop my dresser. I was kind of oblivious about other changes in my physical appearance, you know, the new hair and curves appearing, but I felt males looking at me with different eyes than to which I was accustomed.

I recall receiving a box of maxi pads and a pamphlet from my mother, but it came without discussion. My period started and I used the feminine products without telling my mother. When the box was empty, I requested tampons and that was the extent of our conversation about menstruation and puberty. I wonder how it might have been different if I had a daughter of my own.

Soon, my reproductive system will cease to function as it has for more than 35 years. As my inner feminine systems go out in a blaze of heat and sweat, I appreciate how well I’ve been served by this womanly body of mine. Three healthy children have been conceived and grown within its confines, a miracle by any measure.  I’ve enjoyed an easy monthly cycle, never experiencing the discomfort from cramps and extreme mood swings that many women experience, but, I’m ready to close the door on fertility.  I’m seriously hoping that this internal furnace of mine directs its attention to something external that is productive –  and I’m not just talking about intense perspiration either.

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Filed under aging, girlhood, moms, musings, Observations, Uncategorized

What I know at 49.75, give or take

I’ve got a big birthday coming up at the end of summer…fifty…half a century…the golden anniversary of my birth…the point in my life when I just might have to begin behaving a tad more adult. I think I’m ready.

It could be just me, but these decade birthdays began taking on more significance as I aged and I can remember each of them vividly. At 20, I was on the verge of independence and living completely on my own for the first time. For my 30th birthday, I was married and thrilled to be pregnant with my first child. When I turned 40 I thought I had it all, only to realize that maybe it wasn’t enough. And now, as 50 approaches, I find myself excited to flip a page to a new chapter in my life despite not really knowing what may come next.

I’ve learned so many things during my years alive, yet I’m still not sure what the future holds for me. Is that lack of certainty, that acceptance that what happens tomorrow is eternally a mysterious surprise, a sign of growing up? Maybe.

What do I know now that I didn’t know 10 years ago?

  • I know that I can outrun cancer and the fear of being alone.
  • I know that I can juggle a lot and that, even though I now wear a nightguard because I seem to be grinding my teeth, I am more satisfied with a full life and schedule than with one that lacks challenge and stimulation.
  • I know that there will be days that nearly overwhelm me with minutia and situations which demand immediate and close attention, but I’ve also learned that they pass.
  • I know that I am utterly blessed to have three healthy children and a positive relationship with their father that is based upon our mutual focus on what is best for them.
  • I know that the lines on my face and the grey in my hair are evidence of the length of my life and that I’m lucky to have both of them – and access to quality skincare products and a good colorist.
  • I know that life is about give and take and trying to remain cognizant of the balance between the two.
  • I know that I’m ready for what comes next.

I’m ready, ready for the laughing gas
I’m ready, I’m ready for what’s next
I’m ready to duck, I’m ready to dive
I’m ready to say ‘I’m glad to be alive’ – U2

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