Category Archives: aging

Could you be love?

yellow-brick-road-69066Despite this snow-less winter, Jeter and I have been spending a lot of time at the golf course. Instead of skiing, though, we run over trails and on paths which I’ve never explored before without my skis. It’s been a good consolation for a frustrated cross country skier and a dog who loves water, be it liquid or powder.

The route we’ve been taking to the golf course varies but a favorite path is the yellow brick road. There’s something about that road, whether I’m going up or down it, which inspires me to be optimistic and positive. I mean, that brick was covered by asphalt yet has still managed in places to break through and remind the observant of its presence. To me, it’s like the sun refusing to allow the clouds to prevent it from radiating. It never fails to lift my spirits and motivate me to invite the good stuff to come out, to allow my inner light to shine. To be love, shall we say?

It isn’t always easy to commit to freely sharing the good stuff. In all honesty, it’s kind of a new state of being for me and I have moments when I struggle with releasing the gifts of my soul without mentally measuring the anticipated return. I think it’s human nature to consider and weigh the risks involved with giving love to the universe without any expectation, don’t you? Allowing one’s self to be open and vulnerable is scary as hell, but you know what?  There’s no punishment in this world for loving too much and, when I think about those crumbling yellow bricks peeking through the black top designed to cover them up, I feel brave.  I’m going to let it shine.

Leave a comment

Filed under aging, love, musings, Normanskill, running, Uncategorized

Starting over

I like a new beginning. A page turned in a calendar, sharp pencils and a book’s unbroken spine can fill me with promise and hope for what may come next. Possibility is a good thing and sometimes it’s the only thing that inspires me to stay resolute in looking forward rather than to the past. It isn’t always easy.

In life, every day provides us with an opportunity to make positive changes. Today might be the day that you start paying more attention to how you’re treating yourself and others. Maybe you’re ready to take a chance on something which you’ve previously rejected as too scary or a person who has proven disappointing in the past. It’s a new day and anything is possible, right?

So, take a deep breath and let it out with a sigh, expelling the stale and negative air that has been filling your lungs to make room for new energy and inspiration. Maybe take a minute to give yourself a pep talk reminding yourself of your strength and all the other challenges you’ve made your way through already in life. You’ve got this; you’re a survivor, right? You aren’t inclined to settle for less than you need or want, are you? Be your best even if you have to fake it until you make it. Believe in yourself.

Today is a new day to commit to being who you want to be. Be your best you.

2 Comments

Filed under aging, musings, Random

David Bowie and Fame Right

Last Friday, we played a Spotify station to celebrate David Bowie’s 69th birthday. Less than three days later, he was dead. I guess that’s how it goes. We never know how long the journey from birth to death is really going to be, do we?

I can’t claim to have been the biggest Bowie fan in the universe, but I always liked his more pop stuff. Songs like “Let’s Dance,” “Young Americans,” and “China Girl” were definitely a part of my younger years and are still able to transport me to those simpler days of being a teenager. Some of his stuff was a little too avante garde for me, like this song which freaked me out as a kid but completely wowed me years later in Inglorious Basterds. I always appreciated his range and talent, though. He was very clearly a deeply gifted artist.

Bowie managed, over a career that lasted for decades, to find his way from being a flamboyant, hyper sexual rock star to living a private life as a musician, actor, husband and father. Does this sort of transition simply occur with age? Was it satisfaction with his personal life? Had he merely grown beyond his previous narcissistic need to share himself with the world in an over exposed fashion? Were his over-the-top antics merely a role he was playing for public consumption? Don’t we all do the same thing, projecting an image to the world outside, on some level?

I don’t know the answer to any of those questions, but it has me thinking about achieving a new balance between my public and personal personas. When I consider the unsatiated hunger for fame that is present in contemporary American society, I find myself feeling uncomfortable. No longer is the goal to achieve success on a personal level. Instead, for far too many, it must be accompanied by public recognition and notoriety. It’s kind of sad in a vulgar way and I think I may need to wrap myself a little tighter in the future than I have in the past.

That being said, in no way do I consider myself to be famous or a rock star. I’m just feeling the urge to create a new balance between living life out loud and ultimately dying, hopefully many years from now, with grace. You see,

Fame makes a (wo)man take things over
Fame, lets him loose, hard to swallow
Fame, puts you there where things are hollow.

Leave a comment

Filed under aging, cancer, Music, News, Observations

I need (to have) a dog

DSC01840

different dog, same boy.

Two years ago, we let our 12 year-old lab, Cassidy, go. She made it clear that day when she laid down on the cold, snowy sidewalk and refused to get up, that it was time and she was ready. To this day, I so appreciate that she clearly communicated her need to be done to me. Just like the decision of when to have a baby, the right time to say goodbye to her probably would never have arrived for me. I still miss her and sometimes find myself calling our “new” lab by her name despite the fact that she was a she, and black, and Jeter is all boy and nearly white.

Jeter will be two next week. We celebrate his birthday on Christmas Day although we’re not 100% certain if he was actually born on the 24th or the 25th. His mom delivered 16 puppies and having a litter of that size was a bit chaotic and exhausting for all involved. Regardless of which day he was born, he was a true gift to our family and we love him dearly.IMG_6615

Those couple of months between losing Cassidy and bringing Jeter home, were uncomfortably quiet around here. On the days, and especially the nights, when the boys were at their dad’s house, my house echoed with their absence. I didn’t like it and can’t imagine the day when my house will feel like home without the presence of my children and a dog. Since the plan is for my boys to eventually move on and out, it looks like I’ll always need to have a dog. I hope I get to keep the one I have now for a good long time.

Leave a comment

Filed under aging, Boys, DelSo, family, favorites, house, love, musings, Uncategorized

My dead body

I’ve long known that when I die, I want to be cremated. It doesn’t make sense to me to take up space in the ground of our already crowded Earth. As a matter of fact, I’d rather not have my remains contained to an urn, either. I’ve already asked my three sons to divide my ashes into 3 vessels (Ziploc, Tupperware, whatever) which they are to use to transport me to my favorite places – Greenwood Lake, the Hudson River and the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Wellfleet, MA. Upon arrival, and probably under cloak of darkness, they are to scatter my physical remains. I hope my sons do it together and make a road trip out of it – maybe with a special play list.

The other night, as I was dozing off, I decided that post-organ donation and prior to cremation, I’d like to donate my body to science. That sounds kind dramatic, doesn’t it? That’s not my intention, what I mean is that I’d like to give medical students the opportunity to dissect and study my body. Not because I’m some phenomenal physical specimen, but because I think I’d like for my body to be appreciated and respected for all the wonderful and challenging experiences it has had during my years of living.

Don’t you think it’s fascinating how much can be gleaned about a person’s life by their body? The scars we each bear are evidence of traumas we have faced and survived, some minor and others graver. The condition of our muscles speaks of their strength, a woman’s pelvic cartilage may reveal the number of children she birthed, and our teeth provide evidence of our overall health and diet. I just find it all so much more interesting than any graveside service could possibly be!

No rush, though. I’ve got a few more scars to collect before I’m ready to go.

2 Comments

Filed under aging, Boys, Cape Cod, musings

Imagine

qu601imaginejohnlennon

Can you believe it has been 35 years since John Lennon was murdered?  It just doesn’t seem possible that so many years have passed since the music world lost one of its most influential artists and many of us lost our innocence.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget lying in bed that night and hearing the news on my clock radio – the disbelief and shock that I felt were unfamiliar emotions to me.  In an instant the world became a different place.

I have to wonder if John Lennon would have written different lyrics to Imagine if he were writing that song today.  I suppose he might have imagined a world without handguns, right?  Yeah, me, too.

His hope for a world without religion probably wouldn’t have changed, but maybe he would have expanded upon that thought by wishing that we could live in a world where political candidates didn’t manipulate citizens with fear mongering and religious discrimination.

The rampant consumerism in our society probably would have bummed him out.  The ever widening gap between the haves and the have-nots in our world shows that we have only grown more distant from Lennon’s ideal for “sharing all the world.”  It seems that oversharing a la tabloids and reality television is what we really do best.

Who ever could have imagined the world in which we now are living?  A world where dozens of children have been massacred in their schools because we’re too stupid as a society to prevent bad people from getting weapons?  A country in which prospective presidential candidates are encouraging behaviors frighteningly reminiscent of the actions we took decades ago when we perpetrated gross civil liberty injustices against the Japanese, and, in more recent years, blacks and  gays.

Unfortunately, I imagine we’re still a very long way from when the world will live as one.

Leave a comment

Filed under aging, Events, girlhood, Music, NYC, Observations, politics, Uncategorized

My plate is full

imageThanksgiving has once again come and gone leaving behind a turkey carcass and the promise of homemade soup. The boys were with their dad and his large family on Thursday. I sent them off with a loaf of freshly baked bread, content to spend the morning tramping around the golf course with Jeter gathering bittersweet vines (and thorns in my hands) before having dinner with friends. It was a relaxing day.

Appreciation for all the blessings we are fortunate enough to enjoy shouldn’t be limited to a single day on the calendar. How different would the world be if each day, prior to climbing out of bed, we began by saying thank you to the universe for one or two of the gifts we have been lucky enough to be given? Simple things like heat on a cold morning, the promise of breakfast from a well stocked pantry or the ability to hear the rain falling. Do you think about these treasures?

My life isn’t perfect. I could spend my time itemizing all the different things I’ve never had – supportive and present parents, the ability to live without financial considerations, the means to completely indulge my creative interests, but what’s the point of that? I have so very much for which to be grateful.

The health of my children is the biggest gift I’ve ever received. While they may struggle at times, physically they are capable and strong. I so appreciate that. My brother, friends and extended family have given me their love and support across both years and miles. How lucky am I?

My days are busy and brimming with wonderful things. Would I like a steady someone special to share my life with? Sure. Am I appreciative of the fact that I know how to enjoy myself regardless of my relationship status? Without a doubt.

As the holiday season goes into its annual state of frenzy, think about taking a moment to consider all the gifts you do have instead of focusing on what isn’t (a) present. You just might find your own plate is pretty full, too.

Leave a comment

Filed under aging, Boys, family, friends, holidays, love, Observations, Uncategorized