Category Archives: musings

Never, ever

You know how they say “Never say never?” Well, despite that old adage there are few things in life that I personally never want to do. Let me give you a couple of examples…

  • I don’t imagine myself ever buying a brand new car. The new car smell simply comes at too high a price for me, financially and mentally. I prefer a gently loved vehicle that comes at a reduced price and maybe even with a little scratch or two.
  • Building a new house doesn’t appeal to me at all and I never want to take that task on. I seriously think I would lose what’s left of my mind if I had to make all of the choices and decisions relating to new construction – paint, floors, siding, fixtures, windows … no, thank you. I don’t ever want to deal with that.
  • Getting divorced is something I am not interested in doing ever again. My ex and I had what was probably the most civilized dissolution of a marriage ever, but it was still emotionally and mentally exhausting.
  • If I could make it through the rest of my life never witnessing the death of a loved one to cancer, I’d be most appreciative. It’s a shitty death and I’ve already seen it far too many times.
  • Other than a pinky finger or two, I’ve never broken a bone in my body. This is a streak I am very much interested in maintaining. It probably goes without saying that I’d also prefer to not ever hear “it’s malignant” again.

    How about you? What makes you say never ever?

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Filed under musings, Observations, Random

Could you be love?

yellow-brick-road-69066Despite this snow-less winter, Jeter and I have been spending a lot of time at the golf course. Instead of skiing, though, we run over trails and on paths which I’ve never explored before without my skis. It’s been a good consolation for a frustrated cross country skier and a dog who loves water, be it liquid or powder.

The route we’ve been taking to the golf course varies but a favorite path is the yellow brick road. There’s something about that road, whether I’m going up or down it, which inspires me to be optimistic and positive. I mean, that brick was covered by asphalt yet has still managed in places to break through and remind the observant of its presence. To me, it’s like the sun refusing to allow the clouds to prevent it from radiating. It never fails to lift my spirits and motivate me to invite the good stuff to come out, to allow my inner light to shine. To be love, shall we say?

It isn’t always easy to commit to freely sharing the good stuff. In all honesty, it’s kind of a new state of being for me and I have moments when I struggle with releasing the gifts of my soul without mentally measuring the anticipated return. I think it’s human nature to consider and weigh the risks involved with giving love to the universe without any expectation, don’t you? Allowing one’s self to be open and vulnerable is scary as hell, but you know what?  There’s no punishment in this world for loving too much and, when I think about those crumbling yellow bricks peeking through the black top designed to cover them up, I feel brave.  I’m going to let it shine.

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Filed under aging, love, musings, Normanskill, running, Uncategorized

Sweet love

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Cheesecake Machismo’r Frankencake.  Image:alloveralbany.com

Today’s run was brought to you by thoughts of love and dessert. Or maybe I should say, love of dessert. As Jeter and counted the miles, I considered my tendency to generally be a fairly generous person. I’m not a hoarder and I don’t feel the need to accumulate much in life, happily sharing things which come my way. With one exception.

I do not like to share my dessert. There’s something lost to me when I allow someone to get their fork or spoon all up in my cheesecake or creme brûlée. I know it sounds horrible, but it’s the honest to god truth. I just don’t get the same satisfaction in my indulgence when I’m not the exclusive consumer. I am unsatisfied, I guess. I want it all.

Being unsatisfied sucks, but I don’t think it’s nearly as bad as being dissatisfied. In my mind, dissatisfaction is worse. It’s like something occurred that actively inspired a negative feeling. Instead of satisfying you, it did something contrary. While being unsatisfied still leaves the possibility of satisfaction to occur, the state of dissatisfaction means that you’ve arrived at precisely the opposite destination.

What do you think? Which do you find to be more satisfying – dissatisfaction or unsatisfaction? And, most importantly, are you the kind of person who makes it a habit to share dessert?

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Filed under Food, love, musings, Observations, Random, running, Uncategorized

Things I miss

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  • The smell of my babies. There’s nothing like the fragrance of a newborn baby.
  • Snow. This winter just feels a bit barren without it.
  • Sleep uninterrupted by bathroom visits, drenched sheets and work related stress.
  • Puppy breath.
  • Evenings spent at home.
  • Eating with abandon – an entire pint of Cherry Garcia, burgers actually on buns, fettuccine Alfredo… Those days are done.
  • Free time and extra money to spend making day trips and overnight visits to NYC and other places the boys and I enjoy.
  • The sense that I can let go and let down – my guard, my fears, my sense of control.
  • Having a house already booked for the beach this summer. This is the first time in more than 15 years that I don’t have a plan in place.
  • Being able to feel light in so many different ways. I’m ready to shine again.

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Filed under Boys, Cape Cod, Food, musings, Random, Uncategorized

Starting over

I like a new beginning. A page turned in a calendar, sharp pencils and a book’s unbroken spine can fill me with promise and hope for what may come next. Possibility is a good thing and sometimes it’s the only thing that inspires me to stay resolute in looking forward rather than to the past. It isn’t always easy.

In life, every day provides us with an opportunity to make positive changes. Today might be the day that you start paying more attention to how you’re treating yourself and others. Maybe you’re ready to take a chance on something which you’ve previously rejected as too scary or a person who has proven disappointing in the past. It’s a new day and anything is possible, right?

So, take a deep breath and let it out with a sigh, expelling the stale and negative air that has been filling your lungs to make room for new energy and inspiration. Maybe take a minute to give yourself a pep talk reminding yourself of your strength and all the other challenges you’ve made your way through already in life. You’ve got this; you’re a survivor, right? You aren’t inclined to settle for less than you need or want, are you? Be your best even if you have to fake it until you make it. Believe in yourself.

Today is a new day to commit to being who you want to be. Be your best you.

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Filed under aging, musings, Random

Christmas (being) present

imageI didn’t make the homemade cinnamon rolls like I did last Christmas. This year I banged open a can instead and, honestly, I think the boys enjoyed them almost as much. It was a fair compromise and followed our simple ham dinner from the eve before perfectly. We were all relaxed and able to enjoy our time together.

After the boys left to join their dad and extended family, I took care of some chores, finished packing and decided to take care of dropping my car off at the garage for a maintenance appointment I scheduled for next week. I drove towards Voorheesville along Whitehall Road, or, as I call it, the Wild West. For the second time in two days, I was passed by another car driven by a person who apparently needed to be somewhere else. I felt irritated by the frivolous law breaking, but decided to let the negative action of someone else inspire me to be positive. I began to feel excited by the thought of my long run home.

The route I was taking was challenging with some intense hills. I’ve never run it before, but I’ve cycled it and I feel pretty familiar with its path. The first mile, complete with short but steep hill, flew by and I got into my zone. I started thinking about the holiday, the pressures of being somewhere and performing and simply being present. Do people really believe that some sort of wrapped package can give them peace and joy?

Bolstered by my belief that I could do it, I ran up hills that had initially seemed intimidating. I considered how fortunate I was to be able to spend an hour and a half feeling the sun on my back and the air on my skin. Like this morning’s dining room dance with my youngest son to an Elvis soundtrack, I was there, in the moment, alive.

I felt sorry for the two drivers who were in such haste that they were willing to break the law to get ahead of me on a residential road. I feel sad when I think of people who spend their time projecting ahead or looking backwards, instead of being where they are right now. If that is your situation, maybe you should consider how to change it. This precious day that we’ve been presented only comes once. Make it your best present ever.

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Filed under Boys, breakfast, Christmas, Dinner, Exercise, family, holidays, musings, Observations, running, Uncategorized

Some thoughts I’ve been thinking

imageI’m kind of a blunt girl at times. I can cushion a blow when necessary, but I tend to speak pretty plainly. I don’t like being misunderstood. That being said, I don’t appreciate coarseness in anything other than ground pepper.

During the past few years, I’ve grown increasingly repulsed by the contrast between public generosity and private miserliness. I like consistency, I guess. I understand that companies are not people, but I am offended by corporations who donate awesome amounts of money benevolently, yet fail to reward their employees. To me, that’s beyond vulgar.

I suppose you might find what I’m about to say next rude, but please accept it as a little present from me to you – don’t ever give me an appliance as a gift. Appliances are not presents, they’re obligations. We pretty much all need an oven, a refrigerator and a washing machine in our society, right? They’re practically utilities damn it.

Speaking of gifts, in the last few months I’ve twice found a pot of flowers on my front porch. Most recently there was a beautiful, nicely wrapped poinsettia, earlier in the fall there was a tremendous white mum. I’m curious about who might be anonymously leaving me flowers, but, I guess if they wanted me to know who they were from, they’d leave a card. So, could you leave a card next time, please?!?

I love flowers and graciously accept them. I would also gratefully receive new running headphones. I don’t know what the deal is, but seeking the perfect pair of headphones seems to be my life’s quest. The funny thing is the sound quality is maybe my third priority – I’m much more concerned with fit and reliability. Recommendations?

I’ve been watching Transparent on Amazon. I really like the show, but must admit that the fluid sexuality of the characters makes me feel like complete and utter white bread. I’m observing, not criticizing. Judgment free.

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Filed under DelSo, Flowers, musings, Observations, Random, running, television, Uncategorized