Tag Archives: observations

(Not) Lost in translation

278790E3-7D3A-4AE8-9C22-6CA27AF25C5CAt work last night I saw something new – a rare occurrence when you’ve been a server for 35+ years. A couple, an Asian woman and white man who were dining, had a novel way of communicating with one another – an electronic universal translator. It really seemed to come in handy as they made modifications to dishes and ordered their meals, but I didn’t notice that they used it very much for actually speaking to one another. It made me wonder about how men and women might be able to utilize such a device when they speak the same “official” language, yet lack a common emotional language.

One of the biggest challenges in a romantic relationship is communication. Even though we live in a world with a dizzying array of means to communicate, it still seems as if males and females approach this exercise in very different ways. It might be unfair to generalize and assign characteristics by gender, but, in my 51  years on earth, I’ve learned a couple of things.

In my experience, men don’t often initiate conversations about topics which might be difficult to discuss. It’s kind of the way I am about household repairs – I try to ignore suspected problems (the dishwasher not cleaning plates thoroughly, for example) until they became too big of an issue to avoid any longer. It’s almost as if those fellas (and I) are hoping that the problem will somehow resolve itself without any attention. Of course, it doesn’t really work that way and instead of the glitch rectifying itself, the malfunction generally grows larger and results in an even greater problem. Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it nonexistent, it just allows it to morph into something even more expensive to repair. My machine will help to prevent these kind of situations from occurring or , at the least, escalating..

If I were able to invent a male-female translator I would be sure to include a feature that measured levels of honesty. A relationship that lacks such a fundamental function will never provide a truly satisfying and healthy coupling. We all are guilty of lies of omission, I suppose, but a romantic connection between two should always include a sense of security when it comes to talking about tough subjects. More honesty eventually means more opportunities for creating a relationship that can provide a couple with the strength to stand up to the everyday challenges of life as a unit. Honesty can be scary, but lack of direct honesty is far more scary.

My prototype for a male-female translator would also come loaded with a function that demands that communication comes at regular intervals, i.e. there should be mandatory limits on allowing texts/emails/vms to go unanswered. Lines of communication corrode when they go unused and a lack of time devoted to one another will kill relationships faster than an iPhone battery dies. It isn’t realistic to expect a complete accord when it comes to communication styles, but leaving your loved one hanging for too long will create an unnecessarily adverse situation. My translator will be equipped with an electrical shock function that grows progressively more painful when one party fails to respond after a particular length of time or in the case of an accumulation of unanswered messages.

What have I failed to include? Additional features you’d like to add to my prototype?

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Filed under love, musings, Observations, relationships, Uncategorized

Two timing

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When you consider that I didn’t really own a car* until I was close to 30 years-old, the fact that I now own two cars seems kind of funny. While my initial plan had been to trade my Volvo in, I’m really glad that I was able to keep it. I’ve achieved a balance between the two vehicles, in terms of purpose, with the Mini being my commuter and road trip car and the Volvo being my errands, parking downtown and dog vehicle. It’s kind of cool – especially when owning two cars earns one the title of “baller”in the DelSo!

Switching between two vehicles, though, doesn’t come without challenges. For instance, the steering wheel controls for cruise control and the radio functions are on opposite sides of the steering wheel in my cars. This means I really need to check in mentally (probably not a bad idea when I’m driving, right?) when I’m looking to adjust volume or my speed. There’s also the perennial issue of my left foot looking for the clutch when I’m driving, which, I suppose, is better than not looking for the clutch. It’s all good.

It occurred to me last night that having two cars must be similar to dating more than one person. You have to stay on your toes to remember which companion likes Asian food and which prefers Italian. Who went to state school and who attended private university. Which one vacations at the beach and which one heads to the mountains to get away or any of the other infinite characteristics that define one person as being different from another.

To me, that’s way harder than becoming familiar with two cars. Which is why, I suppose, I’ve never been a good dater. How do folks casually date numerous people? I’m seriously not criticizing the practice at all, just curious. If you’re a serial dater, how do you do it? What are the positives? Do different companions serve different purposes? Help me out, friends. Maybe share your experiences about being in the driver’s seat when it comes to dating more than one person?

*I did purchase a used Volkswagen wagon in the late 80s for $200. It might have taken me 200 miles before dying on the side of Route 17. I don’t think that really counts.

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Filed under favorites, musings, Observations, relationships

Pride

3071A35B-1508-45DC-ADC8-171657F43FBDFifty years ago this very evening, Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee. I can’t help but wonder what he would think about the current state of race relations in our country. Would he have found his efforts to end racial discrimination and segregation to have been a worthy investment?

When Barack Obama was elected President I was filled with pride and optimism about our country’s future. He led the United States with an intelligence and dignity that made me believe that we had indeed made gains in reaching the Promised Land. Maybe our country had truly healed and was prepared and committed to move forward in a unified fashion. I was thrilled by the thought that black children in our country would at last see a reflection of themselves in our country’s highest office and with our first family. It was about time, don’t you think?

Today, though, I am ashamed of our country in its current state – and it isn’t because I’m a libtard snowflake sore loser either. Our elected officials are failing us and seem to be more motivated by their own personal gain than in improving the lives of their constituents. The president of our country damages our international reputation and imperils our national security daily with his unfiltered Tweets, juvenile bickering and outrageous lies and seems intent upon eliminating independent media outlets and environmental protection.

Martin Luther King, Jr., and all of the civil rights activists in our country’s history, worked so hard and sacrificed so much – and for what gain? Black men still lose their lives at a rate the defies any explanation other than inherent and persistent racism. The discrepancies in rates of incarceration when it comes to blacks and whites continue to be outrageously out of balance. Opportunities continue to not be offered equally. We live in a time when differences hold more weight than similarities when it comes to measuring importance and it doesn’t feel like its changing.

The few with genuine power are calling too many of the shots and we, as a citizenship, need to begin expressing our opinions and becoming more involved in the process. More participation, I think, builds pride. Working together often results in change. Let’s do it in the name of love.

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Filed under Events, Music, musings, Observations, politics, Uncategorized, Wine, winter, zaftig

Rise

I’ll never claim to be devoutly religious, but there are things about Catholicism that ring true for me. Over the years I’ve learned to absorb the lessons of my religion in which I find meaning and reject the tenets which I find to be contrary and, while I don’t imagine myself to be a poster child for Catholicism, I do believe I represent some of the finer parts of the religion I was born into.

Easter, the most holy of holidays, has become one of my favorite Sundays. I think my fondness for the day has evolved over the years as I’ve celebrated the day with family, both in Ireland and in Germany. Witnessing the traditions of my religion, in the countries where my family continues to live, provided me with a perspective I may not have had otherwise. It’s taught me a few things, too.

  • Making the effort to put on your good clothes is an exercise in both pride and respect.
  • Believing in miracles can lift the heart and move boulders.
  • There is a season for rebirth and it comes every year. Honor it.
  • Looking for sweetness is an effort that can really pay off.
  • Attending a mass being conducted in a language that is not your own causes one to hear with one’s heart, rather than one’s ears. You don’t really have to leave the country to do that.
  • Flowers provide the most simple of joys.
  • We each have the ability to rise. Believe it.

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Filed under Europe, family, Flowers, Germany, holidays, Ireland, love, musings, Observations, Spring, sunday

Get Happy

451D325D-8917-4814-B3FC-ABDA81880233Happy hap·py

adjective. feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.

synonyms:

cheerful, cheery, merry, joyful, jovial, jolly, jocular, gleeful, carefree, untroubled, delighted, smiling, beaming, grinning, in good spirits, in a good mood, lighthearted, pleased, contented, content, satisfied, gratified, buoyant, radiant, sunny, blithe, joyous, beatific; thrilled, elated, exhilarated, ecstatic, blissful, euphoric, overjoyed, exultant, rapturous, in seventh heaven, on cloud nine, walking on air, jumping for joy, jubilant;

Do you see how many synonyms there are for “Happy?” It’s almost like the Inuits and the number of words they have for “snow!” If there are so many words to describe the state of being happy, why are so many people unable to find their way there? Is happy simply unachievable for some? I just don’t know.

Here’s what I do know – being happy should be a fundamental life goal. Intention, decisions, actions…all of these should be predicated upon an outcome of being happy. Understanding that we only have “one precious life” and accepting that we are completely responsible for our own happiness, in my opinion, should be the foundation for all we do. While this may sound incredibly self-serving, it really isn’t. Our own individual happiness isn’t necessarily achieved independently, but that doesn’t mean it comes at another’s expense. Actually, positively impacting another’s happiness can be a major source of our own personal happiness, don’t you think?

But, don’t you dare sacrifice your own internal happiness for another’s. Read that again. Don’t do it. Why not? Because it is impossible to make someone happy. That’s on them, my friends. No matter how much you care for someone, how consistently you support them, how frequently you model positivity and radiate joy…none of it makes a bit of difference unless they’re committed to figuring out how to achieve their own happiness. Trust me.

So, focus on whatever brings you joy, live your life with honesty, celebrate the positive, let go of what does not serve you and be grateful for each day you’ve been given. And, if that isn’t enough to cultivate happiness in your heart and soul, reach out for help from any and all resources available.  Life is just too damn short to not be happy

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Filed under aging, love, musings, Observations, relationships

Jeter got jumped

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My good boy looking a bit traumatized

After what felt like an extended time, I finally went for a run last evening. Knowing that the golf course is going to be lost to the golfers again soon, I planned a loop that would include the front 9 and brought Jeter along. He and I plodded up Whitehall Rd and turned left onto New Scotland. As we approached the course, Jeter’s pace picked up in anticipation of getting off leash for a romp. Muni is his favorite place.

We worked our way around the holes counterclockwise encountering dogs and mercifully pausing for play time. At about the half way point, there were 3 or 4 dogs with 2 or 3 people and Jeter greeted everyone with a tail wag. A beautiful silvery gray dog came towards Jeter and I noticed his presumed owner jogging, leash in hand, in her dog’s direction. The gray dog started herding Jeter and Jeter just submissively permitted it. The dog became more aggressive and started nipping at Jeter. Things escalated and quickly became out of hand.

The owner of the other dog did not have control over her dog. He snapped repeatedly at Jeter as I tried to separate the two dogs. I felt really scared and yelled at the woman to make her dog stop and she attempted to grab her dog. Finally, she got a grip on her dog’s collar and was able to restrain him. Jeter came to my side and I got his leash on him without delay. He seemed ok, tail wagging and ready to move on.

I spoke to the woman briefly as she apologized. I explained that animals are animals and that I didn’t blame her for her dog’s aggression, but that if her dog has a history of reacting aggressively, she simply needed to keep him on a leash. Always. She didn’t disagree.

Jeter and I jogged off. A few minutes later, I noticed blood on my hand and jacket cuff. I stopped and looked Jeter over more thoroughly and realized he was bleeding. The other dog had drawn blood along the side of Jeter’s mouth. He really had been roughed up.

31FC4B14-1165-4A25-B467-724535A42EEDDog season at the golf course is nearly over and, generally, it’s been a good one. Lots of skiing, running and walking has taken place during our terrific winter. It’s too bad that this incident has left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth, as well as a bloody taste in my canine buddy’s mouth.

Folks – if your dog can’t play nice, do us all a favor and keep them limited to leash time. My dog doesn’t deserve to be injured because your dog doesn’t interact with other dogs in a positive way.

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Filed under Albany, Exercise, favorites, Local, Observations, Rants, Recommendations, running, x-country skiing

G.W.T.F. and Celebrate Life

Sunday morning, at an hour far too early, I drove to meet the chartered bus which would be taking a bunch of runners to a race in Rock Hill, N.Y. I had the radio on to a Rick Steve’s broadcast. The topic was women and solo travel, a subject that felt really timely in light of last month’s trip to Rome and a recent DelSo post. The female guests shared their experiences and advice and it was pretty interesting. I especially loved the new abbreviation I picked up – Go With The Flow. It was a good way to start the day.

This was my second time doing this particular race and the fact that I opted to run it again, after the subzero temperatures from last year, is a real testament to how beautiful the course is. The hills are mostly rolling, the homes are beautiful, and there seem to be lakes in every direction. The scenery compelled us to pause repeatedly for photos, while the challenge of running 13.1 miles forced us to stay hydrated with frequent water stops. We weren’t in a rush. Lunar B*tches are all about the journey, friends!

This race is a fundraiser to help support people battling cancer, a fact which made my own state of exhaustion from lack of sleep and adequate fueling seem pretty damn minor. Signs line the course, honoring the people who have lost their battles with cancer and naming runners participating on their behalf. I remembered this from last year, but there was something about it on Sunday that just wrecked me. One sign in particular hit me hard. It listed a woman’s name and a simple sentence: She lived every second.

I’m so not ready to depart this life yet, but if I did, I would want to be remembered just like that. Until my time comes I’ll continue to go with the flow and celebrate life every second. How about you?

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Filed under beauty, cancer, Events, Exercise, favorites, friends, musings, Recommendations, road trips, running, sunday, Uncategorized, upstate New York, winter